Presentation of the city (<-- done) Edit
Mention that both the palace and the prison stand at the top and are the only buildings made of yellow stone.
1st of Mud (<-- done Page 22) Edit
The concept of demon comes of nowhere.
Aslo, Corbin presented as ambivalent to Skeletons when despising the Pures. Maybe weaving demons into that to explain demon=disgust.
Page 175: the Demon-water Edit
Corbin voices his concerns at being possessed and the prince only mocks him, doesn't try to measure him or even acknowledge that there is reasons to be confused.
Page 177 and Page 202 Edit
Was that the start of a new chapter?
The Ledger Thief Edit
That happened to him? any resolution?
--> Idea: Corbin marks every mention of this person with his nail by creasing the paper, since he doesn't have pen and paper.
Guard doesn't show it but notices it and wonders if he is trying to communicate with the outside. Book checked to figure out what he is hiding. person that has been marked is hunted down and questioned. Knows nothing but confesses to embezzling money. Master Yrimeh realises that this is all Corbin was doing and is impressed. Will mention it after the first day working together, when he offers him a position.
When Corbin is introduced to Dal's family Edit
Explain about the Sister. Her title, where sh is, the fact that her children are the heirs...
When Corbin is angry about the King and prince being taken away. Edit
Ask if the Queen will also be taken? No she won't
Ask about the Sister and heirs to the throne. Are they being taken? No they aren't either. They will remain in their estate.
Page 374: Nai held prisoner. Edit
- Imagery could be made clearer to explain that her that isn't slit: it is a cord of red rope wrapped around it and held at the other hand by Niss.
- Super sparkly skin! She's extremely old and not covered in make-up for once.
Lose ends to wrap up before the end: Edit
- Evan's attempt a leaving a message didn't work, but at least it brought Corbin and Dal together. (Maybe think about that as he travels back from Nai's place?)
- Still no clue on who killed Levan an why. Did he figure out something bout why the water didn't work? He was a Necromancer, did he discover a plot from the Necromancer? If so, is letting them take away the King and Prince such a great idea? Could it be their last strike?
- Corbin's feelings for Dal: He knows he fucked their relation up because he couldn't handle being abandoned, but also admits that his feelings are intact, under the fear and the anger. Maybe think about this a little on his way to Nai, to plant the seed of a revelation that will come after, in the Throne room.